"Really?" Lust blinked, a bit surprised at that. It wasn't as though Alphonse needed to, they were in relatively consistent contact. The youngest Elric was over the house more than Scar, for goodness sakes.
"We speak often, too. And I think I see him more often than I see you. Why would he be asking about me?"
Does what, was all Lust could think. Ask about people when he already knew how they were? Well, he was exceptionally kind hearted.
And while he didn't ask her how Scar was at any frequent rate, he did sometimes inquire as to how things were between them. Or bring it up casually. And of course there'd been his reaction when Lust confirmed that yes, they'd come to an agreement of sorts. So she supposed Scar was right, Alphonse just did things like that.
He was a sweet young man.
"Maybe it's his subtle way of making sure we're still talking. He is a bit invested, for some reason."
"You know how he is." Lust shrugged. "He just wants things to work out for everyone. Including us. I hope you don't mind that he's aware - he was curious, I didn't want to lie."
And it was Alphonse. She wasn't going out of her way to tell anyone, but if she was asked about it....
"I think most of the universe did, to be quite fair." Even Pride had realized, back home.
"And that says a great deal right there." Nothing had changed because they'd been carrying on as a pair for months.
"Really, it was all about getting it out in the open and being clear we're on the same page. Speaking for myself...it makes things easier. I'm not as nervous with you, not constantly picking apart everything you say and every glance you give me, trying to find some clear meaning or intent. I'm not lying awake at night anymore, wondering if I've misjudged everything."
"That might be stretching it..." Scar mumbled, more out of some attempt to save his pride than anything else. He was looking anywhere but Lust the longer she spoke. Why did he have to feel so uncomfortable with all of this? He wasn't ready for this, wasn't ready to talk to her like this, to know that she thought of him so often.
Even if he had known for a while, it didn't make it any less uncomfortable.
"You should have just asked," he finally muttered, not irritated, just quiet.
She shrugged, a small motion. She should have, it would have cleared everything up much sooner. She should have reached out to him right when he'd left her that letter.
But she hadn't, and that was on her.
"I was too afraid the answer would be one I didn't want to hear."
Lust's excuse sounded pathetic, even to her own ears.
Scar's eyes softened, and he dared to glance up at her for a moment before darting his eyes back to his plate.
"I had hoped you would say something. When I wrote you," he admitted, pushing what was left of his breakfast around in the dish. What, exactly, he had wanted her to say, he didn't know. Just something. That had been incredibly difficult to write.
"I should have. I couldn't tell if it was a confession of feelings or a goodbye." Lust managed a soft chuckle. "I still get...frightened of my own emotions, sometimes. And then a week had passed and I felt stupid saying something after that much time had passed."
It felt good to explain, at least.
"I did appreciate it, though." She still had it, tucked away in a book in her room.
"I don't know what it was intended to be." Other than a conversation starter, he supposed. He always butchered spoken words, with her, so it had been worth a try.
Not a very good one, it turned out.
"Emotions are difficult to manage." It was like he felt more, since coming to Johto.
"It was heartfelt." Another shrug. That was all that really mattered, that he'd written her from the heart. It wasn't his fault that she hadn't known what to do with it.
"At least we can take comfort in the fact we're both muddling through it. All this...emotion."
Certainly it was comforting to her, that he had as much trouble as she did. It took a great deal of pressure off, knowing that she wasn't alone in struggling with her feelings and how to express them. She didn't feel as though she were holding anything up, in a manner of speaking.
"Would it? The other might just get frustrated in that case, always being the one who made mistakes and didn't understand. At least if we're on equal footing, no one feels at some great disadvantage."
Lust had an odd sort of optimism.
"And let's be honest, we're going to make mistakes. More mistakes. But I think that's normal, isn't it? It's how we learn. We already are. And I like the thought of learning together."
"That's a terrible analogy. This is more like...getting lost in some fantastical woods together. Alright, it's frightening and confusing, and we're stumbling through, but it's something beautiful and wonderful we're stumbling through. And we're doing it together." She met his eyes, honest and earnest. So what if they sometimes stumbled and fell? They picked each other back up and kept on going, a bit smarter and stronger than before.
"It's no more terrible than any of yours." He had spent enough time with her, now, refer to Lust's strange speech patterns as a collective whole. It was most certainly a Thing.
"No, yours alludes to fiery crashes and doom." Lust lifted an eyebrow. "But the basic idea remains. It's not all bad, there's good as well. So we're damaged people, so what? We're putting ourselves back together already."
One perhaps slower than the other, but still.
"I have no idea how to be anyone's...partner. But I want to figure it all out with you. It's something we can...share with each other." And that was important to her, for some reason. She couldn't quite understand why, beyond that it was something new they were both discovering in tandem.
Scar made a face that could have said that that was exactly what he had been referring to. This was a disaster waiting to happen. Pretty metaphors wouldn't change that.
But he couldn't bring himself to say that, in the slim chance that they could manage to get along and offer one another something. But it pricked at the back of his mind something awful, on the bad days.
"I can barely even associate with people at all," he muttered. At least he was aware of it. Scar simply didn't seek out the company of others. He had lived without it for so long, it became ingrained in his nature.
"Marginally." He still couldn't bring himself to integrate well with people. It wasn't comfortable. He would rather deal with sleeping outside than with a landlord. He found reasons to turn down invitations.
It was all further evidenced in that he was struggling for things to say right now. He was with the person he was honestly more comfortable wtih than anyone else, and he couldn't even think of something to say to her. Scar's shoulders deflated.
Did she say that because she just wanted him to hear it? Or because she actually thought so?
"A marginal improvement is still an improvement," Lust pointed out, her tone conversational and logical. Scar's progression was slow, but it was there. It wasn't as though he were entirely incapable of growth and healing.
"I know it's difficult to see from the inside. I have the same trouble. But you aren't entirely stagnant, and that alone is something to take comfort in. With more time, you'll see more improvement, and eventually it will become easier."
She fiddled with her napkin, twisting it between her fingers idly.
"And you can talk to me, if you ever feel the need to talk about these things."
Scar's eyes softened, even though he was only staring down at his nearly finished breakfast. He knew he could speak to her on anything. She had told him that in all of her little ways.
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"We speak often, too. And I think I see him more often than I see you. Why would he be asking about me?"
The obvious didn't occur to her.
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"I don't know. He's Alphonse, he does things like that."
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And while he didn't ask her how Scar was at any frequent rate, he did sometimes inquire as to how things were between them. Or bring it up casually. And of course there'd been his reaction when Lust confirmed that yes, they'd come to an agreement of sorts. So she supposed Scar was right, Alphonse just did things like that.
He was a sweet young man.
"Maybe it's his subtle way of making sure we're still talking. He is a bit invested, for some reason."
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"Invested?" He had an idea of what Lust was saying, but he wasn't certain. In their... relationship?
He still tripped over that word, in his head.
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And it was Alphonse. She wasn't going out of her way to tell anyone, but if she was asked about it....
Only Alphonse and Envy had asked, though.
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"Not much has changed, anyway." Not really.
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"And that says a great deal right there." Nothing had changed because they'd been carrying on as a pair for months.
"Really, it was all about getting it out in the open and being clear we're on the same page. Speaking for myself...it makes things easier. I'm not as nervous with you, not constantly picking apart everything you say and every glance you give me, trying to find some clear meaning or intent. I'm not lying awake at night anymore, wondering if I've misjudged everything."
It was a relief to be done with that.
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Even if he had known for a while, it didn't make it any less uncomfortable.
"You should have just asked," he finally muttered, not irritated, just quiet.
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She shrugged, a small motion. She should have, it would have cleared everything up much sooner. She should have reached out to him right when he'd left her that letter.
But she hadn't, and that was on her.
"I was too afraid the answer would be one I didn't want to hear."
Lust's excuse sounded pathetic, even to her own ears.
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"I had hoped you would say something. When I wrote you," he admitted, pushing what was left of his breakfast around in the dish. What, exactly, he had wanted her to say, he didn't know. Just something. That had been incredibly difficult to write.
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It felt good to explain, at least.
"I did appreciate it, though." She still had it, tucked away in a book in her room.
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Not a very good one, it turned out.
"Emotions are difficult to manage." It was like he felt more, since coming to Johto.
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"At least we can take comfort in the fact we're both muddling through it. All this...emotion."
Certainly it was comforting to her, that he had as much trouble as she did. It took a great deal of pressure off, knowing that she wasn't alone in struggling with her feelings and how to express them. She didn't feel as though she were holding anything up, in a manner of speaking.
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"It would be easier if one of us knew how," he countered, voice still low. All of the muddling had been why this had taken months in the first place.
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Lust had an odd sort of optimism.
"And let's be honest, we're going to make mistakes. More mistakes. But I think that's normal, isn't it? It's how we learn. We already are. And I like the thought of learning together."
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"I believe we have already broken some kind of record, for that." Mistakes.
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"And that just means we have a lot to learn."
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"Mine just isn't hopelessly romantic."
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One perhaps slower than the other, but still.
"I have no idea how to be anyone's...partner. But I want to figure it all out with you. It's something we can...share with each other." And that was important to her, for some reason. She couldn't quite understand why, beyond that it was something new they were both discovering in tandem.
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But he couldn't bring himself to say that, in the slim chance that they could manage to get along and offer one another something. But it pricked at the back of his mind something awful, on the bad days.
"I can barely even associate with people at all," he muttered. At least he was aware of it. Scar simply didn't seek out the company of others. He had lived without it for so long, it became ingrained in his nature.
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Lust's own voice was soft. She knew he spoke with people, and she could see his progress simply from their own interactions over the last near-year.
"It's...not easy. But nothing worthwhile ever is. And these things take time. You're not as bad as you think you are."
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It was all further evidenced in that he was struggling for things to say right now. He was with the person he was honestly more comfortable wtih than anyone else, and he couldn't even think of something to say to her. Scar's shoulders deflated.
Did she say that because she just wanted him to hear it? Or because she actually thought so?
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"I know it's difficult to see from the inside. I have the same trouble. But you aren't entirely stagnant, and that alone is something to take comfort in. With more time, you'll see more improvement, and eventually it will become easier."
She fiddled with her napkin, twisting it between her fingers idly.
"And you can talk to me, if you ever feel the need to talk about these things."
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"Thank you."