IC contact

[envy_the_sinners]

Leave a message. [/deadpan]

Comments

[a_sin_for_him]

There has to be some, even if it's logic our minds can't comprehend.

I think that, sometimes. But if it's some dream, it's one we're all sharing together. And I don't honestly care if it is or if it isn't. If I can have the life I want, and enjoy it, what does it really matter?

[envy_the_sinners]

It doesn't, really.

[That, he can agree with. Even if none of this is actually real... What does it matter? It's real to them.]

This is all just something to have before we're thrown back to our fates, whatever they are.

[a_sin_for_him]

I know.

[Lust just hopes the time they have here is lengthy.]

But we do have it. We'd be fools if we weren't making as much of it as we could. For however long we're here. It's been almost a year already.

[envy_the_sinners]

[Scar has to stop and be silent for a long while after that, occasionally shifting just enough to let her know that he's still on the line. It was something he had mentioned, when he wrote her. How difficult it is to know that one of them could be gone forever tomorrow.]

I dislike thinking on it.

[a_sin_for_him]

So do I, but we both suffer from lasting cases of realism.

But you're right, that's some possible future. I worry too much, I know I do. I can't seem to help it sometimes.

[envy_the_sinners]

I am not saying you worry too much.

Worrying is likely better than ignoring it. Something about seizing what little time you likely have.

[a_sin_for_him]

I know that you weren't. I was saying it. I do worry too much. About all manner of things.

But there's that part of me that whispers 'what if it's a long time?'. There are people who have been here for four years.

[envy_the_sinners]

A very few. Most aren't here much longer than we have been.

[Scar falls silent. He suddenly wishes he could see her face. But that would require being the one to initiate a live video... He can't do that.]

[a_sin_for_him]

I know. And I know it's stupidly irrational, but I keep thinking...why not us? Why can't we have years and years and years in this place?

But sometimes it's drowned out by the other voice, the one that screams not to be a fool, I'm not that lucky.

[She hasn't confessed these fears to anyone else before.]

[envy_the_sinners]

Sometimes I think like that. That maybe we do have time.

[He pauses again.]

It's empty optimism.

[a_sin_for_him]

[Lust is quiet for a few moments. And she hates the way the silence wraps around her, more chilling right now than the winter wind outside her window. Empty optimism. Is it? And really...how different is it than anyone else?]

I suppose...that's part of life, though, no matter where you are. No one ever knows when the end is coming. For us...

[She doesn't need to finish the sad but true fact that they have no lives beyond this place.]

Would it be alright if we turn on the video function? Looking at the wall right now...

[envy_the_sinners]

[Scar doesn't answer the question. He just turns on the video feed. He's huddled by a fire, Miriam wrapped up inside Scar's thick coat with her head poking out of the collar. She prefers staying like this over being in her ball, even when the nights are bad.

He can't think of anything to say, at the moment. His worn eyes say more than whatever meager attempt at comfort he could probably manage. She doesn't have to spell it out. They're living on stolen time.]

[a_sin_for_him]

[It's such a strange relief to see him, even though she hates that he's out in the cold right now. Her eyes are brighter than normal, that shimmering sort of bright that signals held back tears. She touches the 'Gear screen, pressing her fingertips to it and not caring that he can see what she's doing. She's just glad to be able to look at his face and be certain he's here.]

Sometimes I wish it weren't all so uncertain.

[envy_the_sinners]

[A bit of innocent surprise crosses Scar's face when he sees her. They've had talks like this in the past, but they never seemed to hit her so hard.

Nothing ever seems to hit her so hard. It's strange to see her like this at all, and it stirs an instinct he doesn't know how to properly express.]

That would be too much of a luxury, in light of all of this.

[He's visibly hesitating on something for a moment.]

Would you like me to come over?

[a_sin_for_him]

Would you?

[She wants him physically with her very badly right now. And it's touching that he offers, and she can't keep the relief and small bit of desperation out of her voice.]

I could use your company.

[envy_the_sinners]

[Scar nods, standing up and holding onto Miriam as he kicks dirt into the fire.]

I'll message you when I'm there.

[It's only a few minutes before he sends her a text to say that he's at the door. He can only hope that everyone else is asleep.]

[a_sin_for_him]

[She's at the door in her thick robe as soon as she gets his text. He doesn't come to the house often, and he's rarely gone out of his way to seek her out even knowing she's upset. She remembers a few weeks ago, their conversation over breakfast. He really has changed for the better, even if he doesn't realize it.]

Thank you.

[The house is quiet, the other inhabitants either sleeping or out for the night or doing whatever it was they did in the private of their sleeping areas after the house went dark. Even Guttle is still sleeping, and it's Lust's young Houndour that's at her heels when she greets Scar.]

[She doesn't bother to specify what she's thanking him for.]

[envy_the_sinners]

Scar only nodded as he stepped inside. Miriam was awake, but still sluggish and curled up in his coat. It was nice, at least, to step into the warm. He took off his slushy shoes and left them by the door.

He just wasn't sure what he should do now. Scar looked in Lust's direction, trying to see if she had settled any.

[a_sin_for_him]

Lust was still visibly distressed. She also looked tired, up close. She'd been sleeping less, since her nightmare. It was harder to fall asleep.

"Would you like something hot to drink? I was thinking about tea." She kept her voice low. She didn't wait for him to finish before she was moving to do just that. "I'm sorry I'm so emotional tonight. I usually keep it to myself or wake Envy if it's particularly bad, but..."

But they'd already been talking when it came upon her, and only Scar himself could make her feel any better right now.

[envy_the_sinners]

Scar started to say that he could get it himself, but she was already off toward the kitchen. His frown tightened, and he followed her. What was he supposed to say? He had to think for a moment.

"Bad in general?" He knew how difficult nights could go. Sometimes it was one thing endlessly eating away, sometimes it was everything.

[a_sin_for_him]

"Sometimes at night, my thoughts...just turn to unpleasant things. Sad things. Regrets and fears and self doubt." She preferred making the tea, it gave her something to focus on so she didn't have to look at him as she admitted her emotional weaknesses. But she could admit them to him.

For god's sake, he'd already seen her at her worst, her most desperate and pathetic. There was little shame in admitting to unpleasant thoughts when the darkness closed in.

"It's worse some nights than others. Then I had an awful dream not too long ago, the nights have been worse since." She set out two prepared mugs and leaned against the counter as she waited for the water to boil.

[envy_the_sinners]

Scar was struggling to not just awkwardly hover. He watched her while she focused on the tea.

"Nights are always worse. The mind is tired and defenses lower whether you try to or not." If she wanted to talk about the dream, she would. He didn't know how to ask her about it, but he knew how to live through it night after night.

He paused another moment, eyes darting down before he reached to give her hand a light squeeze. He tried not to feel foolish or out of place. He would know soon enough if it had been the wrong thing to do.

[a_sin_for_him]

Lust nodded. That was it exactly, there was no controlling the thoughts at night. During the day they'd sometimes come upon her, but they were easy to push away and ignore. At night in bed, it was as though her own mind turned against her no matter how she tried to structure her thoughts.

When he reached for her hand, Lust's fingers turned to hold onto his. Physical comfort was a double edged sword, she craved it and wanted it desperately but still shied away from it in so many cases. It was worse with Scar, who's comfort she wanted most but who was most cautious of even mild physical contact.

"I try and think of other things, but it doesn't matter. I can only hold them for a few moments."

[envy_the_sinners]

"Have you tried reading?"

This was something he was entirely unfamiliar with- trying to be the calming presence, trying to think of the right thing to say that might make things seem less awful. But he knew, from being on the other end of this for so long, that almost nothing ever truly helped. Nothing he was fully comfortable doing, anyway. He didn't have any experience to draw from.

He had to stop being so worried. Hadn't they just been talking about this?

But what would Lust even want from him?

[a_sin_for_him]

"It only helps until I lie back down." And then the unpleasant thoughts came creeping back. "I know it's normal, in a fashion, and apparently winter brings it on worse, but that doesn't make it any better."

Lust grasped his hand and turned toward him, head lowered and shaking slightly as she tried to shake off the lingering fears and sorrows. She didn't reach for him, she only shifted her body so she was faced towards him and angled into the broad shield of his chest.